8

Writing is a weirdly intimate act. Other people may read what I've written, but they still don't know what's in my head; even the best described scene will look different in a reader's head than a writer's. It's also a weirdly exciting world that no-one else is interested in. I've recently decided a different character to my intended victim will die. It will make more sense, have more pathos, have more impact. It's the right decision, and it's fundamentally exciting to me. No-one else will care. My boyfriend loves me, but if I told him I'm killing a different character in the book I'm writing he would imagine it's just on a whim, rather than a nervous, ground breaking decision that will change everything. He doesn't imagine I care about these characters, or that I've resisted killing anyone else than my planned victim off, because I don't want to stop writing them. I'd planned to kill him. I hadn't planned anything else. It's a bit like a dream, so very meaningful to the dreamer, boring and weird to anyone else.